What do you do to help a prodigal child? If you haven’t had one, you have certainly seen the agony of other parents who have.
This may not help the prodigal, but it might help you as you raise children and encourage responsible decision making and Godly choices.
What would you say are the most important words about the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32)? For years I would have advocated one of these statements: “When he came to his senses,” “I’ll get up, go to my father,” or “Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight.”
All of those are powerful statements, but recently I have been convinced by Mark Gregston (Tough Guys and Drama Queens: How Not to Get Blindsided by Your Child’s Teen Years) that the most important words are found in verse 16: “but no one would give him anything.” The son only came to his senses when he had no one to take care of him.
I am not advocating a return to a depression mentality. We live in a totally different age. I am advocating teaching your child by giving him responsibility.
How can you do that? By not doing everything for your child. Let your child learn by doing. Let her or him learn responsibility by giving responsibility.
I would encourage you to teach your children in three areas:
First, teach them about finances. Any time I discuss this, I get push back from all different areas. It doesn’t matter how you do this as long as you teach your child to spend and save wisely. We gave weekly allowances which soon turned to monthly allowances. We wanted our children to experience real world financial responsibility. We tried to find many ways for them to have to pay for something. We wanted them to look ahead and take care of their money.
Second, teach them deadlines. The adult world is full of deadlines. We harm our children when we don’t let them experience consequences.
Third, teach them to work. Show them how to work. Gently correct. Work has great satisfaction. Your children need to receive satisfaction and fulfillment by accomplishing and doing.
By the way, we are all prodigals at some time or the other.
God has given us tremendous responsibility for our children. Let us teach them to be responsible as well.
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7 Responses
Waylon this speaks loudly ( WOW ) we all need to hear this . we are wired to help out children at all cost. Most of the time we are inclined to do the things for our children that are pleasing to them
rather than pleasing to GOD. As you have told us
in the past Play The Movie .
Thank you for who you are in Christ .
Mike Martin
“PLAY THE MOVIE!” … so thankful for this huge tidbit. It’s been shared for years & is good for all of us. “WHO’S ON FIRST?” also huge.
Wise words! Wow! Spoken from the heart of a father who loves his children and his church flock as well, what great words! My gosh I made so many mistakes! I didn’t spank, that was dumb! And I’m only half-way joking when I say I want my $$ back from Northlake Christian School, they were sleeping, they slept thru Northlake Christian School, thru Sunday School, thru summers at Lake Junaluska! These overgrown children appear to have retained NOTHING spiritual, all the mornings I read the New Testament to them at the breakfast table! And the Proverbs, always, and the music! WHEN will these young adults start behaving like they have one grateful bone in their bodies? I think I’m going to run away from home! Sure wish I would have read your wise words ten years ago! Ugh!
As the brother of a “Parodical child,” my witness is the over compensating of parents to keep that child close; it has had disastrous results. The child has only been “enabled” to skillfully pedal dissembled thoughts followed by dissembled actions. The words come back to me as I begged as a teen this teen child sibling, not to leave home, ”They don’t love me. They have you! I don’t have to listen to them and I don’t need them. You just don’t get it!”
Those words “You just don’t get it” combined with “You don’t know me” and “You’re so ridiculous” have been used more times than I can count, or care to. The child was emancipated by her parents in the fear of being responsible for her actions, as she was out of control. Our father had three heart attacks that year and our grandmother received a pacemaker. Mother gained weight and developed back trouble.
Forty-five years later the poison is wiser and socially adept, she has put her scent on everything around her; the destruction continues. I continue to pray for this one who advocates same sex marriage, etc. as she leads worship and education with her special brand of empowering her support. You met one of her supporters. What did he say, “We were all baptized.” That is how he avoided his full drug sentence.
My caution to parents of such a child is not to give the parodical equal weight in your family business or financial affairs just because they use the argument, “You love me don’t you? You want to be fair to me, don’t you? It’s not fair to me, let me, let me, you don’t need him, you have me. It’s my turn.” What’s a mother to do? Where is the Body of Christ?
Shalom…
Blessings
Prodigal was the child.
“Parodical” is a distorted imitation. In this case of Light, but not true.
The substitution was not intentional on my part, poignant.
Work that cannot be done by me alone, a vapor.
Blessings.
Wow Ed that’s a lot of stuff man! But I would like to say in fairness to my children that they may like to have from me: the time I spent teaching Sunday School, doing my Bible studies or time spent attending the Baptist Seminary — hmmm, if I want my $$ back for NCS, all those youth group mettings and trips!, and all of that stuff that appears to have had little to no residual value, none can be noted with the naked eye and ear any way! — but at the same time, a prodigal am I as well as my children! Thank you God for always taking me back! I’ll keep praying for them and they will be back, in your time, not mine!
Yes Brenda, Dr. Bailey’s words are specifically targeted.
My words of experience are perhaps a bit more focused on those who are dealing with children or siblings who are very smart and have enjoyed their immediate gratification by working the system; often at the expense of others has come their material success, to often the envy of their peers.
When caught in wrong doing they are simply more careful, more artful in their quest for dominance of their domain. Their throne of life uses religion, faith, government, social norms as tools to achieve their flesh ends. Their works are works to build consensus to support their fabricated “reality.” They cut down “shade trees,” tear up “foundations” to imprint their own stamp, erect structures for their self-serving glory.
It is very scary as parodical behavior is difficult without a long pathology for most outsiders to detect. History is full of examples. When it is obvious, it is often too late to salvage the individual or organization/government. I happen to have had the sad experience of up close and personal examples. I have always sought to teach by example, to reach out in Love, to be inclusive, to share the Gospel with a very real, present day, difficulty. You may go back to previous contributions to this blog to see the listed responses to my efforts. The pattern continues. I have Hope. I now hope this tragedy is a benefit to the Bride/Body of Christ. All the elements are there. We love the person in Christ and hate the sin they support. We fall victim in our isolation from God’s Design. I have echoed what Dr. Bailey has echoed and preached. (Your statement today is testimony.) “Actions speak louder than words.” Without the reality of Romans 12:5 we are as sheep cut out of the flock to be sheered or slaughtered, as evil is pleasured. It is confusing to our children, who think concretely as their minds develop, hearing us say one thing and seeing us do another. If we offer them an excuse for our “bad behavior,” as they perceive it, then why should they be exempted? After all, we teach them in this society: what it is most important is “who you know” and how to have leverage on others to gain ones support. Witnesses work both ways. A pack of evil overcomes a single good in Court.
God has set up a Hope on both sides of Eternity. “Thy Kingdom Come, Thy Will be Done on earth as It is in Heaven.” The other side is assured. This side is equipped with Tools that the “Bride” has yet to realize their full value. In any event, God is not mocked. It is we who will make an account. This is the “Revival” I pray to be realized, to use the Tools God has provided as Designed: Prayer, Strength of Christ (Armor of God), Holy Spirit’s ability, ministering angels equipped/fueled with the prayers of the Saints, God’s Love and Provision in each Believer. Romans 12. We who have lived must Act to show what is that Good, and Acceptable and Complete Will of God, Live the Debate. Thank you Brenda.
Blessings