What kinds of questions are pastors asked? My questions vary widely. Sometimes they seem to come in waves. But overall, the question I am most asked has to do with forgiveness. The question is always personal. People want to know if they have to forgive, and they want to know how they can forgive.

Much of the problem of forgiveness relates to our misunderstanding what forgiveness means.

First, don’t confuse feelings and forgiveness. Forgiveness is a conscious choice provoked by our love for God and our desire to please Him. When people tell me they don’t “feel” like forgiving, I usually ask how they should feel. Should you “feel” good when you are betrayed, lied to, cheated, or stolen from? Would any of those actions normally make you “feel” good?

Forgiveness is a choice; it is not a feeling. Forgiveness is what you do because you love God (love is not simply a feeling either; it too is a choice and an action). Your forgiveness is necessary because He told us it is.

Second, don’t confuse trust with forgiveness. Many people confuse forgiveness and trust. If I forgive my friend for defrauding me, it does not mean I should give him more money to manage. My forgiveness does not necessarily imply trust. It simply means I have “given” forgiveness according to Christ’s command.

I place the act of trust in terms of the church. We are forgiving people who believe in the power of the Gospel. This means we welcome everyone to the place of worship. We can forgive a child molester, but we would never allow that person to have any relationship with children. We can forgive an embezzler,but we would not make that person the church treasurer.

Third, don’t confuse acceptance and forgiveness. Forgiving doesn’t mean you condone or accept bad behavior. Many people get confused at this point. They will say: “If i forgive, it means I condone what he did.” Loving forgiveness prompted by Christ does not condone bad behavior. Jesus told the woman taken in adultery to go and sin no more. He did not condone bad behavior, but He did forgive a repentant woman.

We must forgive. Jesus commanded it. Forgiveness is an act of obedience toward God.

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