Forgiveness is a radical concept conceived in heaven and touching lives like nothing else can.
Over the last few days, we have looked at what forgiveness isn’t, but we must really get to the point of understanding what forgiveness is.
What does forgiveness look like?
Neither love nor forgiveness keeps a record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:5).
When I counsel couples, I usually encourage them to leave two words out of their vocabularies. “Always” and “never” are accusatory words that ratchet disagreements to an even higher level. Using these words show that we are keeping a record of wrongs which make reconciliation even more difficult.
When Simon Peter asked Jesus how many times he should forgive, he acknowledged we all are prone to keep a record of wrongs. What was Jesus’ reply if not an indication that we are not to keep a record of wrongs or an account of how many times we have forgiven? Seventy times seven was a Hebrew idiom for forgiving infinitely (Matthew 18:21-22).
Not keeping a record of wrongs means that we do not “point the finger” at the other person. R.T. Kendall has affirmed “Many marriages could be healed overnight if both parties would stop pointing the finger. Blaming others has been a common problem throughout human history, but God blesses the one who does away with the pointing of the finger.”
When we refuse to choose to keep a record of wrongs, we do not give resentment a chance to grow. Rather than keeping a record of wrongs, we benefit when we erase the wrong from our hearts and minds and express love for the person who has hurt us.
Forgiveness must be an act of the will. We choose to forgive. Choosing to forgive means we will seek the best for the other person. This means we cannot forgive with one sentence and recite the persons faults and failures with the next sentence. We must refuse to assign blame.
Let’s be very honest. None of this is easy, but when we forgive we please our heavenly Father. He rejoices at our sincere attempts at being as He is.
May God bless you as you seek to obey Him.
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2 Responses
In 2005 and 2006 I was the Chairman of the Community Committee on Aging Liaison Advisory Committee, CCOALAC. This is a standing committee within the Jefferson Parish Council on Aging, JCOA. At the time there were 10 Community Committees on Aging, CCOAs, and 11 Senior Centers in Jefferson Parish. As Tom Laughlin, then CEO of JCOA, said, “I look at each community committee as a parent looks at their child, they are all wonderful and each very different; each requiring loving direction and attention.” I took those words to heart, as some indeed were all about what they could do to work with others; and some were all about what they could get. The ones who were all about what they could get, never seemed to have enough; they took up most of my and staff management’s time. I called them high maintenance. Indeed, they seemed to have the most potential in so many ways and so close to being the leaders they proclaimed to be and seemed to want to be. However, an abundance of animosity existed by the child against the parent. These problems existed long before I came on the scene and according to what I have read in the News, still go on. I tried education, they had their own “truth.” Katrina in all its devastation presented itself as an opportunity to push forth the lesson my Dad taught to me, “We are all Americans, and don’t forget it.” God led me to solicit recognition parish wide to the CCOA’s for nominations of those citizens that were outstanding in some way of community service during and after the storm to be recognized. I saw this as a way to promote recognition of our oneness as a community, a healing and a means of bringing home the message that we are interdependent on each other for survival and for a better quality of life.
In 2006 at the Jefferson Parish Annual Meeting of JCOA the “Katrina Awards” were given and very well received. It was interesting how quickly people could come together in a time of need, celebrate and how quickly they could return to their old ways of partisanship. The problem boils down to a very few, politics.
If we could all “get the message” that our survivability depends on our Dedication in Service to our Lord, the “always” and the “never” would only apply to “always loves” and “never puts self first.” There would be no reason for a list; forgiveness would be unnecessary, as knowing the other is only doing their best to Love and Support you makes it superfluous.
Thank you!
Blessings
What a insight! “He rejoices at our sincere attempts at being as He is.” Delightful! Thank You.