Sometimes life simply doesn’t work as we’ve planned.

It happened that way when Rick and Kay Warren’s 27 year old son committed suicide after a long struggle with mental illness.

Recently, Kay Warren posted on her Facebook page about how to help people for whom life has not turned out as they planned:

“The truest friends and ‘helpers’ are those who wait for the griever to emerge from the darkness that swallowed them alive without growing afraid, anxious or impatient. They don’t pressure their friend to be the old familiar person they’re used to; they’re willing to accept that things are different, embrace the now-scarred one they love, and are confident that their compassionate, non-demanding presence is the surest expression of God’s mercy to their suffering friend. They’re ok with messy and slow and few answers. . . . and they never say ‘Move on’.”

Job’s friends didn’t often get it right when Job suffered such debilitating losses–property, children, and the loss of his own health. Job’s friends did get it right when they came to visit and sat with him for seven days before they began to speak.

No one really knows what to say to a person who has experienced loss. Possibly the best we can do is just show up and “be there.” As Kay Warren said, those who help the most “are confident that their compassionate, non-demanding presence is the surest expression of God’s mercy to their suffering friend.”

When Paul faced imprisonment and death for the second time, what He wanted more than anything was to have his believing friends around him.

Listen to the lament of Paul to Timothy at being alone in his imprisonment: “Please come as soon as you can. Demas has deserted me . . . . Crescens has gone to Galatia, and Titus has gone to Dalmatia. Only Luke is with me. Bring Mark with you when you come . . . . The first time I was brought before the judge, no one was with me. Everyone had abandoned me” (2 Timothy 4:9-16).

We all need friends who will sustain us with prayer and their presence even as God sustains us with His presence.

Unfortunately, we’re all going to experience sorrow and we’re going to have friends who need us. I encourage you to “be there” physically and emotionally when your loved ones go through sorrow.

It’s the simplest and the best thing you can do.

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